If you are reading this, you have likely experienced sadness or cry-ing level frustration recently and are wondering what that says about you or why you keep doing that. I cried today for a lot of reasons, but I’m really writing this blog to one of my coachees who I know either needs to cry or has been crying a lot and she’s not sharing that. She knows who she is.
I cried today.
Actually I sobbed. Hard.
Like ugly-cry, mascara-running, loss-of-breathe cry.
Honestly, I was just fed up. I’m in a lot of pain from an old injury that was exacerbated by PT. I’m 21 weeks pregnant. I just finished a busy launch week. One of the kids was home sick this week and my husband was pressuring me about getting contractors to come to the house. It was just enough. Now please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not looking for sympathy. I can look at that list logically and see all the greatness in those challenges. I know that these are minor compared to childhood illness, death, job loss, depression, addiction, etc. SO many things that are WAY worse.
But actually, that’s the point. Actually, what was different about this cry is that because I’ve done so much self-coaching (and being coached) is that I didn’t judge myself when I cried. I just sat there and bawled my eyes out until I didn’t feel like crying anymore. When it was over, I didn’t feel guilty or wonder why I wasn’t tough enough. Do real CEO’s cry? Do real techy’s cry? I don’t care. I do and I’m not going to apologize for it. More than that, all of that allowing and lack of judgement brought me clarity. I was able to move forward, hop on my computer, make decisions and speak with clarity around what my company needs. It’s a beautiful thing.
I really wish you would allow yourself to do this. To cry without apology. I’ve been a volleyball coach in the past and my players would apologize for crying. I would let them know and remind them that we don’t need to apologize for crying. Not to me, their coach and not to future co-workers or bosses.
You know why we feel the need to apologize? It comes from our parents. We as parents don’t want to hear the crying of our children because it means they are in need in some way. It causes us pain so we say, stop crying! My husband and I have been working on this lately. I called him out for not allowing the children to cry because it bothered him. I’m not perfect at this either, but my tolerance is likely higher from the years of staying at home with them and being the primary caregiver. He took the feedback well and said “your right.” He’s improving. I need reminding too. Sometimes when they are crying and I just don’t feel like dealing with it, I’ll shut them out. Usually I try to remind them, don’t apologize for crying. Cry. Go ahead. In fact, if you want to go to your room and really belt it out, that’s okay too. When you’re ready, we can talk about it.
We like to think we grow out of this stage or we’re too mature or smart to cry. Afterall, I’m an adult, right? But that isn’t the way it works. We still are human. We still have feelings. We still feel like crying.
I love productivity. It’s so fun for me to be really productive. I feel so great at the end of a productive day! Don’t you? Well, if you try to hold in all that emotion, you are going to decrease your productivity. It’s better to just let it out. Do that without judgement. I’m not saying other people are going to love you doing that. They aren’t. But that is about them. Not about you. The more self-evolved someone is, the more crying they can tolerate so understand it is their discomfort and you can’t do a thing about that. You still get to cry.
You get to cry AND accomplish your goals. You get to cry AND be techy. You get to cry AND get hired. All of those things and more! What does crying say about you? It says you are human. That’s all!
So, I cried today. How about you?
Let’s appreciate the fact that sometimes life is challenging. Sometimes we don’t even know why it feels so challenging. It’s still okay to cry. Just get back up when you’re done and get to work!